i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
