I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
