I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
