i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Couch. On fire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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