Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
