Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
