I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
