It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
