I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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