I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
