Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
