Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ttyl tear gas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
