Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
