he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
