Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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