dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
