Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
