ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
