Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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