So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
love makes seman taste better
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
