Me. At least after what I've been through.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
