Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
