haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
