Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
