wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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