I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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