twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
