the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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