I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
