I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
