is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
