we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
