I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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