College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
