hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
