Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
