were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
