Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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