You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
