wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
