i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
