actually, I'm a sock model
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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