I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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