We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
