Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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