did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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