sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
