I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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