It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
