Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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