the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Randomize
