So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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