You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's shark week go big or go home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
