Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
