He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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