There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
